Thursday, August 31, 2006

Even the best fall down sometimes,

I'm truly amazed at how fast time i passing. I know that ever too often i tend to ponder on this, but really, i mean it when i say it. I think i'm just completely in awe of the speed at which days fly by, the hours, minutes, seconds. It makes me want to reach out and touch, to try to catch some part of it, just so that i can hold on to the moments for a bit longer before they take their leave. Maybe i'm just scared of not remembered and not treasuring enough. Maybe i'm just scared that one day i'll look back and reminise and wonder where it all went. And maybe, just maybe, i'm scared cos there's no rewind button in life. Admit it, you're scared too.

The past couple of days have been nice. I had a mini meltdown on Tuesday but yes, i took time out and worked it out. It's funny to think about it now, my unnecessary worries, not simply because there are no problems, but moreso that because i think so deeply into every potential problematic circumstance that it tends to create issues for me, in my own mind. I guess no one really understands where i'm coming from apart for Lysia(and that's why i can't live without her) In actual fact, i find it incredibly difficult to explain - it's just one of those feelings. At least i know what's been getting me down and though i repeatedly do it, i've pinpointed it and slowly, oh-so-slowly, i'm working through it. Yay, don't we just love in-built psychologists? Definitely.

So yes, that was school on Tuesday - Filled with superfluous think-abouts and issues that haven't even begun to exist except in the silence of my own mind. I sort of liked this Tuesday. I've managed to figure out what to do with my ridiculous number of breaks accumulating to 3hrs and 20minutes. It's all in the library-study and catching-ups (: I've always disliked how it's impossible to know what's going on in every one of your friends' lives all the time and hence, close periods and drifting periods come about. But i've learnt to take things in my stride. Enough experiences of over-reacting and getting overly-emotional have taught me that that's life. I like to take the time to do catch-ups, though. I guess it just reminds me of prior times when certain people played larger roles in my daily life.

Trainings seem to be getting better and better as the weeks go by, and i'm lovin' it. Although the pitch was fully saturated with super excited J2s and eager J1s(the girls at least) it was fun nonetheless. Drills are getting so much better, skills improving, talent being pushed to the maximum. For me at least, the most wonderful thing has been exactly that - Seeing everyone grow into hockey players. That, coupled with the fierce determination i see in each and every one's eyes, the desire to want each ball and to work hard to get it - I can't find a single word to describe exactly how happy it makes me. And how proud. How very proud (:

It was the official handing over yesterday. I think i'm still struggling to accept my new-not-so-new role in the team - From being one of the two babies of the team to co-leading them. It's a little scary and weird(i think it's the title), yet not much different from what it's been except for the added stress from admin and other such stuff. It should be a lot better after i step down from being Class Rep i think. The handing-over-cum-TEACHER'S-DAY-PRIZE-PRESENTATION was, as usual, emotional and fun. HAHA. I think yesterday made me realise how much i missed the J2/old/older/myfirstlove/lastseason team(i still havent found a phrase that fits. Call it identity crisis. Haha) I've gained so much from them - Experience, confidence, endless motivation, the belief that i can always push harder, faith that we can reach the stars and mostly, love and friendship and the unforgettable memories. And with all that, and that from Crescent and Clare's St Nicks and whatever else my babe has done, with the J1s this year.. We've got ourselves a winning team (((:

Chare and Luds: You guys have been amazing leaders and i think you know my heart and i've said more than enough, Still, though, i think i just want to say Thank You, for everything. You don't know how much better i feel to know that i always have you two supporting me as Chare said "from behind" and simply being there, having been through it before. So yes, we're gonna make you so proud (:

J2s: I MISS YOU GUYS, COME BACK AND TRAIN WITH US!!! (((: Bandar, baby.

Clare: Forever and ever, babe.

J1s: THIS IS OUR YEAR and it's gonna be the funnest and best one, ever (:


Today was good too. I wasn't hungry at all and i think i shrunk. Oh well. Playing basketball for PE in the morning was fun stuff. A bit scary and awful at times, but i shall not elaborate. MR Eugene Chua called me the "Savage Hockey Girl". I don't know if i should be proud of it or be insulted. I have a feeling he underestimated how much i wanted the ball. WHAHAHA, HAHA. And Jiayi, i think you're good lah. Have faith, little grasshopper! Gp was, uh, good as usual - "Okay, Boys and Girls", "Now, let me introduce you to our good friend, the full stop. Please use him.", "You people use the comma like it's going out of fashion. Let me tell you, the comma has been around for centuries, it is not going out of fashion." HAHAHA, I heart Ms Sangeetha. Geog was so-so today, i didn't fall asleep. I didn't fall asleep in econs lect either and learnt stuff in both! After that was lit, and John finally died(FINALLY. Aka, we finished the text) then it was break then PCCG. As Prince said, probably the last time i'll be fulfilling Class Rep duties. Wow.

After school Lysia and I finally got our long-overdue catch up. Thank you for roar, understanding what i was trying to say without me having to say it out in full. After that hung out awhile at the vd then went to the library to study with emo memo Haiqal(MY MAN!), Ian and Johnny Vishnu. Who are all retards btw, shh! We got kicked out, i dunno why, i mean they were closing the library not cos we were naughty! Then went to the bleachers to watch the AC-NJ soccer match, which we WON 1-0. Yay! I TELL YOU ARH, boys are so noisy. I'm so glad no one's found anything to despise me for or anything cos i think boys are meanies and though it's funny, a little empathy's enough to tell me that no, you don't wanna be in that guys' shoes. After that it started pouring so i went to the canteen to find a table where i didn't feel overly short sitting at to read my econs stuff. Shawn Lai came with twisties later and disturbed me SO I DIDN'T GET MUCH DONE, yes, all his fault. Whahaha, kidding. Met Sharmeen too haha another rainy day Crescent mugger! After that mum came, dropped ShawnLai off at the MRT then went to pick up food for dinner. Roar i watched another episode of the OC so i've watched til season3, episode6! Hopefully after this week i would've caught up with my sisters (they're at Disc 5, and each disc has 3 episodes. Go figure.)

Okay, PW's overdue.
Die, PW, die.



but I'm finally really, really, really okay (:
-summertime smiles and rainy days make it all worthwhile.

ex-oh, ex-oh
1:41 AM